The dating game, though clearly one that has adjusted over time, is still very much the same as it’s always been. Sure, moves into the online world have changed certain aspects of the process, but essentially we, as a society, pretty much want the same out of our lives as we have always done.
For many of us, dating represents the opportunity to enjoy another’s company, to have fun, and perhaps more so in a casual manner; others are looking for long-term partners and the commitment that comes with it, while others may be less strict in terms of what they are after and could be looking for a more pragmatic approach.
However, if you are a single parent, then the process is a little more complicated, both in terms of the methods you might use to meet new people and, indeed, what you expect from the dating world as a whole.
With this in mind, here are seven rules, or perhaps consider them more as suggestions, to aid your dating game as a single parent.
Waiting
A common theme that crops up in terms of single parents entering the dating world relates to timing. Most experts on this issue suggest that you wait as much as a year from the end of your previous relationship before getting back out there. This is perhaps more in keeping with situations where the previous relationship you had was with the partner with whom you share your children.
There is, of course, no golden rule here, but there is something to be said for taking your time before starting a new relationship, not just because this may create a state of confusion or concern in your children but also for yourself.
This period of transition is not just about your children but also may help you to get into the right place before putting yourself ‘out there.’ Clearly, if your previous relationship ended in an entirely amicable manner or your children are not so young, then the reasons for waiting are less pronounced.
Online Dating
Now, there’s some good news when it comes to online dating as a single parent. The world of online dating has evolved and expanded dramatically in recent years, and one area where this evolution has really worked wonders is when it comes to dating niches.
As a single parent, you can now look to sign-up with dating apps that are entirely catered to people in a similar situation. One such excellent example is the Stir Dating App, which is one of the leaders in this field.
Know What You Want and Get It
Being a parent and being single is a challenge. That isn’t to say it’s not a challenge you can’t handle, but it is perhaps a point in time to manage your expectations and get a better sense of what exactly it is you want from a new partner and any relationship that may ensue.
When you look to get back out there and dating, take the opportunity to be upfront with those you start to feel close with, set out what it is you want from your relationship (not in an overly strict manner, clearly), and this type of honest approach will serve all parties well in the long-term.
Talk to Your Kids
An honest approach is also important when dealing with your kids on the matter of your dating. Depending on the age of your children, you need to sit them down and explain the situation and preferably in an open and communicative manner.
Ask them how they feel about you seeing new people and try to assuage any concerns they have, but do so in a way that doesn’t overly impact your intentions. Here the dialogue needs to be clear and not ambiguous.
Ideally, this all needs to happen before they may see any of these new people enter their lives, as this will only confuse matters further.
Parenting Comes First
Any potential partner you meet, especially those you feel could become longer-term ones, needs to be entirely clear that parenting comes first. This should be a given, but you also need to be honest about this to remove the avoidance of any doubt.
In many ways, this is why single parents meeting other single parents tends to work so well, not least because of having shared experiences but also because both parties know exactly where they stand.
An additional bonus of such a situation comes from the fact that the children in these relationships will also be going through similar processes, which they can then bond over.
“Meeting the Kids” Needs to Happen At the Right Time, In the Right Circumstances
Children, especially younger ones, don’t take change well. If your relationship with their co-parent didn’t end in the greatest of circumstances, you need to tread even more carefully, and regardless you need to make sure that the moment when your new partner meets your kids, it’s done on terms that work for them and definitely not in a spontaneous or awkward manner.
Firstly, any such meeting should only happen when the time is right. In other words, you need to avoid this kind of meeting too early, especially if your children are young, as they will, quite rightly, not react very well to a situation where that person is no longer relevant, i.e., you stop dating.
When the time is right, and your relationship is at the ideal point, sit your children down and explain the situation and then arrange an activity that your new partner attends. This should be subtle and not a major occasion, but something that is organized and planned.
After such an occasion, you should sit with your children and ask them if they have any questions or concerns, and this is a chance to ask them how they feel about your new relationship and any resultant questions that will surely follow.
You might then look to do so again, and over time this might become a routine, which children very much appreciate, that helps to form emotional bridges between those involved.